So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
