I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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