Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
