I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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