i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
