the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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