Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
