My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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