I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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