I love black thongs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
