need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
