Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
