who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
