Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
