can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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