i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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