the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize