I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
