Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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