Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize