Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize