Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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