Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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