we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
