How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
