clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
