i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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