Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
