She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My cat gives me a boner
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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