The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
