So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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