bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
