I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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