end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Soap is not a condiment
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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