are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize