Welp...herpes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
