I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
