idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize