I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
