mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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