omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found a bag of teeth...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
