Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
