it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We got so high we made milksteak
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
