I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
