If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
that may or may not have been my penis.
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