oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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