If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
