I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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