So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
