So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
