I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
