so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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