im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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