It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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