shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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