Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
