TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
