I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
