my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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