so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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