Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
